Are We Losing the Art of Conversation? Why Speaking Less Could Be Damaging Our Communication Skills

I came across a statistic this week which, sadly, didn't come as a surprise to me.

We're talking less. A lot less.

New research looking at how much people speak in everyday life found that between 2005 and 2019, the average number of words spoken each day fell by around 28%. Researchers estimate that we lost around 338 spoken words per day, every year during that period.

That means the average dropped from somewhere around 16,000 words a day in 2005 to approximately 12,700 by 2019. And perhaps unsurprisingly, the decline was even greater among younger people.

As an executive communication and confidence coach, I spend much of my working life helping people become more confident and effective communicators.

So I find this research fascinating.

But more than that, I find it worrying.

Because communication is a skill. And like any skill, if we stop practising it, we shouldn't be surprised when it starts to feel harder.

Are we losing opportunities to practise our communication skills?

Think about how many tiny conversations you didn't have today.

You didn't ask someone for directions because you used Google Maps.

You didn't speak to the person behind the till because you used self-checkout.

You didn't call someone to arrange something because you sent them a WhatsApp.

You didn't walk over to a colleague's desk because you sent them a Teams message.

None of these things feels particularly significant on its own.

But collectively, something interesting is happening.

We are removing hundreds of tiny opportunities to practise communicating with other human beings.

And I think we're beginning to see the consequences.

Why everyday conversations matter for communication confidence

There's something I often notice in my communication coaching.

People can be incredibly accomplished in their careers and yet feel uncomfortable with surprisingly ordinary interactions.

Starting conversations at networking events. Making small talk before a meeting begins. Speaking up spontaneously when they haven't prepared. Introducing themselves confidently. Knowing what to say when somebody challenges them. Holding eye contact while thinking. Allowing a silence without immediately rushing to fill it.

These things can look like personality traits.

"I'm just not good at networking."

"I'm an introvert."

"I'm terrible at small talk."

"I need time to think before I speak."

Sometimes that's true.

But sometimes I wonder whether we're simply becoming out of practice.

Because those tiny interactions we are steadily removing from our lives used to give us something incredibly valuable: low-stakes communication practice.

A conversation with the person serving your coffee doesn't matter.

And that's exactly why it matters.

You get to practise connecting with another human being when absolutely nothing is riding on the outcome.

What does speaking less mean for communication in the workplace?

The problem is that although everyday conversation may be disappearing, the moments where our communication skills at work really matter haven't gone anywhere.

You still have to walk into the interview.

You still have to present to the board.

You still have to ask for the promotion.

You still have to disagree with somebody more senior than you.

You still have to handle the difficult conversation.

You still have to explain your idea when somebody unexpectedly turns to you and asks: "What do you think?"

These are the moments when communication confidence, executive presence and the ability to think on your feet become incredibly important.

And if most of our communication between those moments happens through keyboards and screens, it's hardly surprising that speaking spontaneously can start to feel uncomfortable.

We've removed much of the practice. But we're still expecting ourselves to perform when it counts.

Digital communication gives us something conversation doesn't: an edit button

There's another part of this that I think is particularly important.

Digital communication allows us to edit ourselves.

We can rewrite the email. Delete the WhatsApp. Rewrite the Teams message. Ask AI to make something sound more professional.

We can think, tweak, delete and start again.

And there are huge advantages to that.

But face-to-face communication doesn't give us an edit button.

We have to formulate our thoughts in real time.

We have to read the other person's reaction.

We have to respond when the conversation goes somewhere unexpected.

We have to recover when we stumble over our words.

And perhaps most importantly, we have to become comfortable with not communicating perfectly.

That's a very different skill.

And it's one that becomes increasingly important as we move into more senior positions.

Because strong leadership communication isn't about delivering perfectly rehearsed sentences. It's about being able to listen, respond, challenge, influence and connect with people in real time.

Could speaking more make us better communicators?

I'm certainly not suggesting we throw away our phones and start asking strangers for directions purely for the sake of improving our communication skills.

Technology has made our lives easier in countless ways.

But perhaps we should be more conscious about the conversations we're allowing it to replace.

Call someone instead of sending the message.

Speak to the person next to you in the queue.

Walk over to your colleague rather than sending another Teams message.

Ask the barista how their day's going.

Start the conversation at the networking event rather than waiting for somebody to approach you.

Speak up in the meeting rather than sending your thoughts afterwards.

And when you're given the choice between communicating through a screen and communicating with a human being, occasionally choose the human.

Because those tiny conversations might be doing far more for our communication confidence than we realise.

The research tells us we're speaking less.

My concern is that if that continues, we may eventually become a generation of people who are exceptionally good at sending messages, but increasingly uncomfortable having conversations.

And in a world where leadership, influence, relationships and opportunity still depend enormously on our ability to connect with other human beings, that's a communication skill I don't think we can afford to lose.

Want to become a more competent communicator at work and in your personal life? Book in an initial call with me and let's discuss how I can help.